I had just finished preaching out of Ephesians 1 on God’s Purpose and was driving home to my sick wife. The clear statement of God that I had just preached is that His purpose has always been to adopt everyone who wanted it, into His family (Ephesians 1:5). With the message I just preached ringing in my ears (literally because of bad case of sinus and some pharmaceutical aids) a new thought occurred to me.
God knows what He is doing. He acts with all “wisdom and understanding” (Ephesians 1:7). He knew that adopting me (and you too) into his family was going to be a messy affair. He knew it before the creation of the world. Yet He still chose to adopt (not foster) every messy up, crazy, dysfunctional child of His who wanted to, into His family. He knew it was going to be messy and yet He still did it.
It then dawned on me that if God deliberately launches Himself into a messy family, then I should not be surprised if my own family (that I was born into) is messy. If you and I are honest (yes, sometimes we aren’t), we have to admit that some of the biggest messes, hurts, abuses that we have suffered have been within our family.
If someone in your family hasn’t ticked you off then you need to get ready because one day they are going to. I’m not being negative or fatalistic, just realistic. The idea of the perfect family was an invention of idealistic social engineers (generic term those that sell us all such false ideas). I have never met, seen or even heard of the perfect (or even close to perfect) family. Even God’s family is not perfect. In fact the only way you can get into His family is by admitting your imperfection.
Parents mess up. Children mess up. Cousins, in-laws, aunties and uncles mess up. It is one of the defining human experiences. Stop yearning for the perfect family. The animal doesn’t exist.
The only way we can survive and prosper in these messy families we find ourselves in is through forgiveness. That’s how God lives with us. We have got to stop holding grudges and keeping lists of offences. It’s not easy. We know that, but it is vital to a healthy family.
You have to come to grips with a life changing truth; your family is family forever. No matter what you do or what they do, they are always your family until the day you die. You may move and lose contact with neighbors. You may shift jobs and no longer even think of that person you worked alongside for months. BUT YOU WILL NEVER STOP BEING FAMILY TO YOUR FAMILY. At the point you breathe your last breath you will be someone’s child, someone’s parent, someone’s cousin, nephew, niece etc.
What’s the point? Learn to live with them. They aren’t going away. Learn to forgive. Learn to ask for forgiveness.
And then it occurred to me; is God trying to teach me something by creating me in the context of a life long family? Hmmmm. This is getting tough.
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